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Going out of existence

Dear Kwan Yin,


The other night in my sleep I became conscious and found myself in a state of losing my mind.  I felt utter terror, horror and panic beyond description.  I thought I was going to die, my mind was going to dissolve into a billion pieces, my physical body would die and  my consciousness would lose so much focus that I would cease to exist even as consciousness.

I fought with all my consciousness to keep myself together.  I've previously gone through this experience once and I swore it would never happen again and didn't wish it on my worst enemy.  It was worse than a living nightmare or enduring hell, because even a hell makes sense,.  What felt like 3 hours passing was only 3 minutes,, that brought even more horror.

Was this a small glimpse of what Kuthumi went through?  I experienced this for several hours the first time, then just a few seconds this time.  I can't imagine  Kuthumi having gone through this for over a year..  The few hours I spent were worse than a living hell.   

Does this have to do with my enlightenment?  If so,  can I make a conscious choice not to go through my enlightenment this way?  I don't think I can handle it and I don't want to find out.

Love,

Jason

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