Greetings imzaia. As promised I am going to start keeping a daily log of any interesting activities or experiences I have while going through the process of studying the material found here. I like to think of myself as an example, and I hope that sharing my experiences might help other's to find connection in their own or perhaps see a new angle on old material. Funny, I just had the connection of angle and angel, simply being the movement of one letter, anyone could be an angel from a new angle.
Today I woke up refreshed, if sensing I had some old more negative thought patterns and constructions swimming from the front of my mind to back, and away. I noticed this and let it go. At work I have much time to think. While working, sorting clothing, I have little to keep my over active mind busy. I decided to pay attention to this as it's one of the areas in my life I've been working on lately through the guidance of the work, letting feeling guide me rather than my mind. In this process I started to realize how many years I'd over exaggerated the importance of my mind. Of how I have had a close friend for over twenty years, who has practically deified the intellect and what it can accomplish. I also meditated on the fact that this particular view, among a few others had recently separated us. I live through my heart, and he, he lived through his mind. While I managed to stay happy and young, free of illness and injury, not telling myself any self defeat stories, he was all of these things. He had rushed to build a life just as it was supposed to be, a brilliant intellect born of two very scholarly souls, who have been well meaning but also managed to allow him to become a man riddled with ADD, OCD, PTSD, and a swarm of other acronyms that basically mean he's not in control of his own brain most of the time.
Clearly, it seemed to me, the mind did NOT have all the answers, as suppored by the sheer misery of my oldest and dearest friends. Forced to separate due to responsibilities and duties. He life is full of routines and requirements, always expanding, bigger houses, more children, better jobs, better toys, more schooling, social events, rewards, et cetera and so on. I could give him love, but not money, which seems to be all he ever thinks about and needs. Constantly full of complaints, clearly his own mind was driving him mad. In our time together I would play and joke with him, reminding him of his inner child, who still enjoyed playing with my own. Not even his wife could form the same sort of intimate connection with him that I could, pulling him from the darkness that seemed to want to swallow him on a constant basis. But, sadly, in time I became an enabler and scapegoat, despite my best efforts.
As I was thinking these things it was almost like there was a speaker in my mind giving this speach. Constantly this speach giver goes on and on, and I was very aware that THIS was the mind trying to control the situation, to take up the boredem by making me seem important, pre writing this journal to you all. The Ego is such a tricky thing, pretending it's you. But I had learned in time to recognize that voice.
Oh what a slippery snake it is, every time I think I've gone into my heart center and am only feeling peaceful, before I know it that voice is yammering on. So I practice doing this, over and over, letting it talk, and stopping it, going back to my peace. In this process I suddenly noticed something startling but wonderful as well. Instead of thinking about calming my vibration, bringing myself higher, I realized I was seeing my active mind as a darker center tone, and the other tones around empty, peaceful. Much like when some one says they have a bad day, what they really mean is they had a few small moments of displeasure mixed in with an over all more emotionally neutral day. Most of the day was simply painted "bad" because the feeling carried with them well past the moment it happened. I saw this represented in a twelve point matrix, and suddenly shifted my perspective to the "empty" tone, where peace rested. And then I flew INTO that experience, letting that be the tone that 'blossomed' into new peaceful experiences all around. I started to 'fly' through the tunnel this tone created, moving through various peaceful experiences not only in my life, through personal memories, books, movies and so on, but just generally peaceful settings and situations in a more general setting. I did not try to hold onto any of these experiences, simply let them travel by and through me. I realized when I did this, my brain was flooded with far to much information to process and thereby, shut it right down. It wanted to pay attention to everything happening while my heart just swam through it like a dolphin.
I kept at this until I felt a sudden breakthrough. It was an ebb and flow, where some little task at work would snap me out of my reverie. I had been wanting a better connection to both Hono Leia and Hona Loa, but was finding it not being the proper time or place for what ever reasons. As in things like this, I did not force them, realizing something else needed to be worked through. This particular work through, was getting my head to shut up and let my heart have the floor. Once that happened both came flooding through with many interesting revelations about work that I needed to do physiologically to help clear up the blocks with in me, particularly intimacy issues with women. No surprise I couldn't come into better contact with two of the most lovely women I'd ever met because of my personal romantic hang ups with women of the past. I chuckle as I write this, as now looking at it, it seems rather obvious and amusing. So for a time they helped me with this particular issue I was having and then sang me a rather beautiful song. It filled my mind like I was listening to it on the radio. I attempted not to cry at work, as that can be confusing for some, this large man weeping happily for no reason, though the beard is good at hiding such things.
Funny because I know I DEFINITELY not have chosen such a deeply connected song for myself to express the relationship between two celestial beings. But then, the lyrics are a very perfect description of that particular moment as all. And trust me Imzaia, you have my all. And so, from this, I realized I was starting to think holographically with Merkia as the pattern to underlay.
Later, I was thinking how much I'd like to live a life like Doctor Strange. Picked up from the ordinary and moving out into the vastness of reality to help heal and bring the active ingredients to life anywhere that I might travel. I found myself wondering when and how this would happen. I fantasized knowing it couldn't completely touch the truth of what would unfold, but I was definitely excited to be upon this path and see where it led. Coming home, I find a new connection, settling down to watch a new meditation, and what should be the very first video I see but "It's All In Your Head" by Solarys all cued up as the very first recommended choice. And so all my questions were answered and a new deepening of my understanding and evolution continues. Having found my most love Gaia creation, the dandelion, simple and beautiful and life bringing. Often over looked as a simple weed, few know it's completely edible and helps all other plants around it to bloom and provides much need nutrients for the soil. And with it, the geometry of my own twelve pointed expression. Another wonderful day full of expansion on the Ascendophere. As always. Bless you and Namaste.